No Excuses November

meditateUpon waking up, tasks and to-dos seem to plague my mind almost instantaneously. After the work day, all I want to do is reward myself with “doing nothing” or “relaxing” by scrolling through social media. This inevitably and without fail leads to these unnecessary thoughts of comparison and ‘not-good-enough’-ness or the feeling of failing myself yet again. While the heaviness of those feelings is palpable, it often does not motivate me to shift the patterns of behavior, which continue day after day. It isn’t until I am grasping so excessively outside myself for fulfillment, satisfaction, happiness, and finally for help, that I realize how far off the rails I have gone from my personal practice. This is not a new observation, but this time around I feel more of a calling to cease this sort of “bandaid” approach and actually enact in something sustainable and worthwhile. At this moment, I am feeling motivated (hence this first post on the website I vowed I would create before the end of the year). With the help of my partner’s motivation and belief in me, along with my own self-awareness that I am really hurting without a daily practice, I will be striving to achieve a month’s worth (or more!) of meditation everyday. There will not be a constraint on how long, or how, or when, or where. The goal is to simply to meditate; and as the month progresses, perhaps there will be an extension of time and a purposeful task such as specific breath-work or chanting mantra, but for now baby steps. This ‘patch-it’ methodology of taking time to settle my mind, a method that I have been swirling in for the last 7 years, is readying retirement. I know that this is necessary for the greater growth of who I am, and who I am excavating from the depths of my being.

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