There have been many feelz today. With so much time alone, its been helpful to see that everything is an ebb and flow. There is not one feeling that is permanent, unless I grasp onto it and grow it into something. Mindful awareness and self-knowledge help so much in those cases. I can feel myself getting annoyed, or overwhelmed, or irritated, or excited to the point of wanting to rebel. I can feel triggers for old vices bubble up. I can feel emotional discomfort come through. And with practice, I can watch them float by and eventually dissipate. Often, my innate instinct is to search for the origin of those feelings and reflect on how the older versions of myself would have responded.
I’ve also become quite nostalgic for my 20-something year old self lately. As I travel further into my 30s, the experiences of my 20s, though heavily imprinted upon my current vibration and quite influential to who I am in this moment, seem to be fading out. I long for those previous incarnations sometimes. Maybe because I was so thick in the thrill of learning huge Spiritual lessons, maybe because I had a few less obligations regarding the next steps in my adult life, maybe because in those times, the experiences available to me were tinted differently. The people I was with, the synchronicities that I would happen into, the magic that my destructiveness or carefree-ness would invoke.
But in moving forward, I can see how my work and self-actualization has deepened significantly. I love diving through the deep mucky layers. I love(d) that even in my (sometimes–more often then than now) poor decision-making, I would spiral into these crevices of healing. And now that those initial levels of healing pain and trauma from my childhood, adolescence, teenaged years, and the reckless years prior to stepping into the abyss have been moved through (although a revisit is never outta the question, hello greater understanding and deeper realization!) there really isn’t a lot of going back to those years in my life. I am a version of that person, but so much more realized and now am being asked to go in a different direction.
Ancestral healing. Shifting my greater purpose and how I express that through my work in the world. Fostering relationships that are fulfilling and reciprocal. Seeing all beings that I magnetize now, as teachers and wisdom keepers for progressing my body-mind-Spirit to the next level.
I can feel my old soul-ness coming through so much more. I’ve always felt old. Even as a little. I was always old. Observant. The mom-friend. Remembering my previous lives.
This Full Moon in Scorpio is universally celebrated as the Vesak Moon or Buddha Jayanti, in remembrance of Buddha’s enlightenment.
This holy night invites us to widen into those openings that brings us a greater sense of expansion and peace.
It reminds us of the lotus that rises from the mud. Through the churning is the potential for greater clarity around what needs to be released and cleared to sanctify the beauty that lies within us.
How have we changed? Can we see with new eyes?
What insights and inspiration await us in the quiet spaces of deeper listening? ~Mystic Mamma
Under the Full Moon, we are asked to release something that no longer serves our current incarnation and reality. The Scorpio Full Moon calls us to let something die for a rebirth to be enacted.
“While this watery Full Moon brings up issues of letting go of what no longer serves life, it also has a powerful hit from Neptune in Pisces, opening us to compassion, not only for all people suffering during this pandemic, but also for ourselves…
“Neptune also gives us the tool of the creative imagination to help us through this death and rebirth of our culture…
“As we release the emotional wounds that keep us repeating our insanity, we need to fill those spaces with possibilities. And that’s what Neptune can do for us.” ~Cathy Pagano
This Full Moon, the night that we celebrate the Buddha’s moment of Enlightenment, I choose to release the idea that I am not good enough. That I cannot create something worthwhile. That the wisdom that I share from my own experiences and understanding are not accurate or authentic. I choose to release the incessant imposter-syndrome thinking.
I offer this up to the Creator, to the Earth, to my Spirit Guides and Ancestor Allies to transform it into compost for something new to grow out of. I call upon the confident and intuitive versions of myself to come forth and show themselves through my actions, my words, my thoughts, and my creations. Bless me with the inner-knowing that what I have to offer is coming through from Spirit and that I can heal myself and others with this knowledge and with these gifts.